Dear Friend,

    When someone you’ve been married to for nearly 34 years is stricken with a deadly form of cancer and dies, you can imagine what a life-changing experience it is.

    As I mentioned in my last letter, my dear husband Anthony passed away on Wednesday of Easter week. He entered eternal life at 7:16 p.m. on day 6 of the Novena to Divine Mercy.

    You can certainly understand that this is one of the hardest letters I’ve ever written you. That’s because I want to tell you exactly how I feel. I want you to know how my faith is helping me understand this profound loss. I’d like to talk with you personally – as if we were sharing a cup of coffee together at my kitchen table. I pray that my message will touch your soul with joy and encouragement.

    First, let me ask you about something. Sooner or later you may sit beside the deathbed of a loved one. After all, death will come to each of us. It may come suddenly and unexpectedly. Or it may come the long way of a wicked disease as it did for Anthony.

    That reality leads me to ask you some questions. Are you prepared to help your loved one make the transition to eternal life? And, when you are on your deathbed, will your loved ones know how to help you complete the great personal act of dying? These questions became important ones to me as we faced the certainty of Anthony’s death.

    Do you know what prayers will most console your loved ones and do they know which ones will bring you comfort? The answers to these questions are important.

    I have come to discover that the deathbed is a very intimate place, a very sacred place. At its edge we witness a profound and glorious mystery – the passage of a soul to eternal life. It is a place charged with the supernatural. A place surrounded by angels and saints. A place where time and eternity intersect.

    Will your deathbed or the deathbed of your loved one be an oratory of prayer? Will it be a place replete with grace and love and hope? Will it be a place filled with joy and courage and strength? Will it be a place that serves to gently usher a person home to the Lord? I pray so.

    But, if you’re not sure, I can give you some help – both for you and your loved ones! I want this letter to be so meaningful to you that you’ll tuck it away in a drawer so you can pull it out for encouragement whenever you need it.

    Let me tell you the story of Anthony’s heroic witness as he taught everyone in our family how to die a grace-filled happy death.

    Before Anthony became bedridden, I asked him a hard question in an interview on my EWTN program, The Abundant Life. I said, “Honey, I’m a little shy about asking you this question. Should this disease prove to be fatal, as the doctors say it is, what would you want people to remember about you?”

How Anthony wanted to be remembered

    He seemed caught off-guard. He paused. Then he looked at me and said, “To know, to love, and to serve God. That’s what I would want people to remember about me.” What a beautiful response! Our younger daughter brought that out in her eulogy. He also said that this was the time for a real faith, not a pretend faith. And he stood on his faith throughout his ordeal.

    We knew full well that his disease was terminal. The doctors had told us as much and I had done my own research. Nevertheless, we prayed for a miracle. Sister Briege McKenna came to our home with a relic of Pope John Paul II, and we asked for his intercession. Sister Briege had comforting words, but her words didn’t point toward physical healing. She said, “I see a long road, and you and Tony are walking down this road, and it’s a beautiful road, and Jesus is walking along the road with you.” I sensed immediately it was the road of suffering.

    But I know that Our God is the God of the Impossible. So here is how I prayed, “Lord, I know in your omnipotence you can heal my husband. You have authority over all things, including this cancer. And in your omniscience, you know what’s best for my husband’s soul and also for my salvation. I pray that you would heal him, if that be your will, but if it is in your plan to take him home, then I pray that he would have the grace of a happy death.”

    I definitely believe in healing, such as the miracles at Lourdes. But a miraculous healing isn’t always God’s plan for us. Remember St. Bernadette, the girl who discovered the healing waters at Lourdes? She died a painful death from tuberculosis of the bone. When asked why she didn’t go to the spring for healing, she replied, “The healing waters of the spring are not for me.” She understood that God can use our suffering in amazing ways. Bernadette offered up her suffering, and in so doing, she demonstrated heroic faith throughout her illness.

    Do you know of any saint that didn’t go through pain and suffering? I don’t. It seems that God entrusts a portion of Christ’s passion to every saint. Perhaps it is because, as Father Faber suggests, our Father God wants us to participate in Jesus’ most glorious act – the redemption of mankind. St. Paul states as much in Colossians 1:24.

    Anthony knew there was power in uniting his sufferings to the passion of Christ. He knew that God works all things to the good for those who have been called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). And he offered his disease and its resulting disabilities to the Father.

    Many times I would walk in on Anthony during an intimate moment of prayer. He would be gazing at the crucifix with his functioning arm extended telling Our Lord that he was uniting his sufferings to His passion and cross. I would steal away from these moments chastened and challenged – was I doing the same?

    I don’t have the answers to the mystery of suffering. I just have the wisdom that God has given to me. And I pray you find it helpful.

    Anthony maintained a good humor. The hospice workers were always delighted to take care of Anthony. He joked with them, teased them, and gave them all nicknames. They always left our house laughing and smiling. They were happy to come. It was inspiring for them and for us.

Anthony’s gutsy, masculine faith

    You see, Anthony didn’t just say he believed the faith. He didn’t just go through the motions of being Catholic. He believed and lived the Faith.

    Anthony had a gutsy, masculine faith. He was a man’s man, and he evangelized as a man’s man. He didn’t mince his words. He’d say exactly what was on his mind. Sometimes I’d be startled by his bluntness. I would have used a more tender and diplomatic approach.

    But Anthony’s approach was perfect for his field of evangelization: the real world in which men aren’t practicing their faith and don’t want to practice any faith. When Anthony heard a man blaspheme, for example, he’d talk to him in a way the man could understand. Many of those men came to the funeral. They remarked about Anthony’s strong faith and what a witness he was to them. Personally, I had a feeling Anthony was smiling to see them all in Church – a Catholic one, no less!

Anthony was advanced in his spirituality in a way that was uniquely his own.

    He had a practical application of the faith. He told Fr. Edmund Sylvia, C.S.C. over and over during his final two months: “All I want is to be in the Immaculate Heart of Our Lady because that’s the place where I can get closest to the Cross.” That’s profound. You could meditate on that for a long, long time. And at the end that’s precisely where the Lord drew him. I think he definitely died in the Immaculate Heart of Mary. He seemed to have a little sideways smile on his face. Just a little upturn, as if to say, “Aha.” And that was a consolation, too.

    Toward the end Anthony wouldn’t want to take his pills. So sometimes we’d crush his pills and put them in his yogurt or ice cream, hoping he wouldn’t notice. He always knew, and he didn’t like that we “tried to pull one over on him.” He’d say, “You put my pills in the ice cream, didn’t you? You realize you’ve spoiled my ice cream.” I’d say, “Well, how about if I put a little more chocolate sauce on it?” And that seemed to resolve the issue.

    Then on Good Friday I called the doctor’s office and said, “I’m having trouble getting his meds into him. Anthony won’t take any pills today.” The physician assistant replied that this happens as the time draws near: “He doesn’t have to take his medication any more.” And my eyes stung with tears.

    As he did every day, Father Ed came on Good Friday to administer the sacraments to Anthony. He remarked on radio and in the homily at the funeral mass that when he looked at Anthony in his bed of pain, he couldn’t help but think, “There lies the Cross, now a bed. The Cross all of us will know in some way or another in our lives.”

    On Easter Sunday, Anthony began his final decline. Father Ed basically moved in with us. Words could never adequately express my gratitude. He really helped us, just as he had helped us get through Simon’s death. Fr. Ed was with us all the way until Anthony drew his last breath, ministering to him and to us. What a grace we received!

Anthony struggled for life for four days.

    Actually it was only his body struggling near the end. I was pretty certain he was experiencing the compassionate love of Jesus and Our Blessed Lady. Nonetheless, it was a hard four days for us as we watched one system after another shut down. In time, his respiration changed and he took his final breaths. It was Wednesday, April 11th.

    Anthony had a beautiful passing. He experienced the grace of a happy death. In her eulogy, our daughter Jessica said, “Simon passed during the Lenten season, a barren, sorrowful season. Dad passed during this victorious Easter season. A season of beauty and life, and I think there’s a real message there to ponder and pray about.”

    On that last day, family and friends had gathered in our home. Around his bed we prayed the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. We read to him from Sacred Scripture and religious books. We talked with him. We loved him. Anthony experienced a remarkably beautiful conclusion to his life. It was a wonderful thing to watch at the end. It was difficult, but it was a remarkably beautiful experience to be present when Anthony’s soul left his body.

    We didn’t have that experience with our son Simon, who died in a vehicular collision.

    In those final moments, I was weeping. I looked at Anthony and said, “Honey, tears are streaming from my eyes. I’m weeping. But my heart is filled with such joy because very shortly you will behold the face of God. I’m so happy for you. I love you.”

    You’re probably wondering how I could feel any joy at all during Anthony’s passing. I’ve found that joy is the pearl of great price that’s sewn into the garment of suffering. And that’s what I was experiencing then. It’s a paradox this mixture of joy and sorrow. But God promises us His grace is sufficient. And so it is.

    Indeed, Anthony experienced the grace of a happy death. He had a deep devotion to St. Joseph whose intercession we repeatedly sought asking for this grace. The Blessed Sacrament was reposed before Anthony and relics of St. Faustina, Blessed Brother Andre of Montreal, Blessed Francis Xavier Seelos, and a sliver of the True Cross were displayed near him. Fr. Ed saw to it that he died with the sacraments of the Church and Viaticum.

    The funeral Mass was beautiful. There were 8 priests and 3 deacons at the altar. Father Ed’s homily was remarkable.

The motto Anthony lived to the very end

    Anthony had a list of maxims – Dadisms we called them – that became guiding lights for us in our daily lives. I’ve found them beneficial to me throughout my life of faith. Strung together, they become a “way,” a spiritual path that leads to the joy of the resurrection. I think you’ll find them helpful, too: 1) Keep Jesus in front of you, 2) Secure the perimeter, 3) Stay the course, 4) Finish strong. We never officially adopted a family mission statement, but these four maxims certainly would be part of it. Anthony applied them throughout his life of faith – especially during his suffering and as he was dying.

    As you can see, Anthony had a gift of boiling down complicated matters into simpler statements we could understand. For example, he said, “God’s plan isn’t always our plan, but it is our plan because it’s God’s plan.” Our daughter Thea said, “That has really helped me in my life.”

    I told my daughters, “Observe your father because he is teaching us how to die.” He showed us what it meant to die with faith and courage.

    Most important: During Anthony’s final days and final hours we relied on a special prayer book for eternal life. This prayer book contains a vast treasure far out of proportion to its tiny size. I believe it’s the best such book in the English language. And I want you to have it because one day it will come in handy. Yes, some day you and your loved ones will need this prayer book.

    On Anthony’s last day, it was from this little book that Fr. Ed and family members read the prayers for eternal life I want to send it to you. From it, we prayed litanies and other special prayers.

    Because hearing is supposedly the very last sense to go, I feel confident Anthony could hear us, and may well have been praying with us. He knew we were praying his soul into eternal life.

    Anthony died wearing a pin that says, “Jesus I trust in you.” He was buried wearing that same pin, a medal of St. Anthony of Padua, and Our Lady’s mantle, the scapular. How beautiful!

    Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not spiritualizing this. My pain is a very real pain. But I watched the hand of God move upon my husband’s soul. It was perceptible. It was palpable. Fr. Ed commented on that. And others did as well. You could see the action of God in Anthony. Words fail to describe it.

    I didn’t want my husband to die. I’ll always miss him. But I would never choose physical life over the experience he was able to embrace – this profound action of God in his soul. I would never want him to go without that, having seen it with my own eyes. He united his suffering with the Cross of Christ.

    That doesn’t mean every day was a perfect day at our house. It wasn’t. Many moments were tedious, difficult, heartbreaking, and unpleasant. Anthony never complained about his suffering. He never complained about being bedridden, even though he had always been a vitally active man. He never asked “Why me?” Instead, he asked, “Why not me?” He never griped to God or anyone else. Never griped about any of his treatments and surgeries or medications. He never griped about any of that.

    He did complain about my driving, however. But he had complained about that before he was sick! And he also complained about the coffee. He’d say, “The coffee isn’t hot enough, Johnnette. What are you doing?” His illness prevented him from realizing how hot it actually was.

    But about illness, there was NEVER a complaint. Not even one. And that’s remarkable. He offered up all of his suffering for the life-changing ministries of Living His Life Abundantly and Women of Grace. In other words, he offered up his suffering for you and for me.

How to get the amazing prayer book for eternal life

    As I mentioned earlier, I want to give you the finest prayer book for eternal life in the English language. I relied on the prayers of this powerful book completely during the crucial days and hours before Anthony’s death. My daughters know that these are the very same prayers I want them to say over me when they’re at my deathbed one day.

    You’ll want the comfort of these prayers yourself. You’ll want them for your loved ones, too.

    I’ll gladly give you this special prayer book for eternal life as a token of thanks for your tax-deductible gift of $35 or more. Just click on this link and it will take you to the reply memo.

    As a token of thanks for your tax-deductible gift of $50 or more I’ll gladly send you the prayer book for eternal life plus the new CD of the deeply moving radio show Fr. Ed hosted the day after Anthony’s death. What a priest! What a message! You need to hear it. It’s that simple. Could you consider sacrificing $50 or more?

    But there is still something else I want you to have – a book that has become an invaluable treasure to me. This book is a powerhouse that will catapult your prayer life to a new level. It will inspire and strengthen your faith no matter the circumstances, and provide you with a deeper understanding of the ways of God in all things. It became an anchor for me in Anthony’s last months and continues to be a holy lifeline even now. I will never exhaust its treasure. For your tax-deductible gift of $125 or more, I’ll gladly send you EVERYTHING: the CD, the prayer book for eternal life, and the book that will transform you in amazing ways.

Will you help me get through the financially tough summer?

    Your gift will help me reach more souls and change more lives. Your gift will help keep these projects going full throttle:

    • Live radio: Women of Grace ®, which now airs every weekday
    • Women of Grace ® regional conferences and retreats
    • The Abundant Life television show on EWTN, broadcast 4 times per week
    • Worldwide internet outreach
    • Worldwide distribution of life-changing educational materials: books, CDs, DVDs, etc.

    When Anthony pledged to offer his suffering for the work of Living His Life Abundantly, he said to me, “Johnnette, don’t stop doing your ministry. If you do, you will nullify the gift I am offering you – my life.” Your gift will help me keep my promise to him.

    Because of the difficulty of raising funds during the summer months, I’m praying you’ll donate more than the suggested minimum amounts if possible. Could you consider making a sacrifice of $500, $1,000, or possibly even more? Your gift will help me reach souls and change lives.

    I’ll gratefully accept your gift – however big, however small. Please join me in praying that the Lord will inspire many to send a sacrificial gift to help me get through the financially tough summer months. Please send your sacrificial gift right away or click here to make an online donation. God provides for our needs through friends like you. Won’t you please join hands with me in this life-transforming work?

    I’ll deeply appreciate your prayers for my family. We treasure your prayers. May the abundant life of Jesus Christ be yours.

P.S. Please pray about my request and follow what the Lord leads you to do. The enemies of the Culture of Life hope you’ll set this letter aside and forget about it. Please don’t do that. Please join me in prayer and, if possible, send your gift today because the summer is a tough time to raise funds. I’ll be watching the mail for your response.
 

In His service,

Johnnette Benkovic